January is a time for doing nothing. I have believed this for quite some time now - especially because I used to be very bad at doing nothing.
There’s a lot of guilt about not ‘being productive’ and ‘ticking stuff off my to-do list’. But I won’t get into that. January has become my designated time for ‘doing nothing’. It’s a solution to my problem.
But when I say I’m doing nothing, it does tend to raise a few eyebrows. Largely because I feel we’ve lost sight of what ‘doing nothing’ really means.
The slow commercialisation your social life
When I say I want to do nothing, what I actually mean is that I want to do things that aren’t necessarily productive. Productivity is the biggest capitalist myth going. ‘We have the same 24 hours in a day’ and all that…
I recently saw a post from a sociologist* that described why people often feel overwhelmed and overstimulated in their day-to-day lives. Their suggestion was that our brains have not been designed nor evolved to receive this much information; that we now consume more information in an hour than our ancestors would consume in a single month. And our brains are understandably struggling to adapt to it.
I’ve read countless articles about work-life balance and taking screen breaks but I feel that our leisure time has also been commodified in so many ways that it’s impossible to really relax in any way, shape, or form.
I recently happened upon (by recommendation) the article ‘Doing nothing with your favourite people is really, really good for you’.
Lauren Mazzo writes on loss of ‘quality time’ and the ‘healing power of just hanging out’;
Socializing nearly always revolves around a specific activity, often out of the house, and with an implied start and end time. Plans are Tetris-ed into a packed calendar and planned well in advance, leaving little room for spontaneity. Then, when we inevitably feel worn out or like our social battery’s drained, we retreat inward under the pretense of self-care; according to pop culture, true rest can only happen at home, alone, often in a bubble bath or bed.
Back when I was a teenager, my best friends and I would spend hours upon hours doing absolutely nothing together. Even though we spent all of our ‘productive’ time together at school, we hung out after school, saw each other on weekends, sat on the phone for hours, and then spent all night chatting on MSN. We still never ran out of things to talk about or ways to enjoy each other’s company. There was no pressure, just ✨vibes✨.
We’d vegetate at eachother’s houses for HOURS, occasionally watching a movie or playing a video game together. Or we’d sit in the nearby park; spending entire weekends traipsing the shops of Newcastle city centre - buying nothing of course, because we didn’t have money a lot of the time. I have no shame admitting that I was one of those teenagers who hung out at The Green - a spot in the city where all the local goths, moshers, and pretty much any other version of an alternative music loving kid would hang. And that’s it. We’d just be chilling, come rain or shine.
As you get older, hanging out with friends is considerably more difficult and a lot more structured. For starters, as an adult it can sometimes be impossible. (I have shelved my post about how much discussions in a group chat about when and where we should attempt to meet up can send me into an irrational rage stroke…)
Mostly it’s because work gets in the way, as does running a home, seeing your family, taking care of pets and/or kids. And you go to parties or clubs waaaay less in your 30s because, you know, responsibilities. (And stamina.)
But it’s also just hard to do nothing by yourself, letalone do nothing with other people.
Socialising has somehow been completely commodified. Everything becomes an ‘activity’ or a segue to spend money. The above article got me wondering whether it was always like this? Or was I just… a kid?
For example, you end up meeting your friends for coffee. Before you know it, you’re three £4.00 coffees, and a £6 slice of cake deep. Plans to catch up will often escalate into brunch or dinner after work - with juicy gossip and dating stories interrupted by someone kicking you out right after dessert is served. You’re not invited over to hang - you’re invited over to watch a movie, or play a board game, or attend a dinner party. Spontaneous nights at the pub or chilling in eachother’s living rooms become a rarity. The only time you will get to dance together or chat at length is at someone’s wedding or a major birthday.
Bowling alleys, mini golf and arcades have capitalised on the cultural switch from no-alcohol socialising which though not a bad thing, make organising a chore. Friendship groups, who previously only ventured into ‘activity based’ socialising on stag and hen do’s, now can’t get enough of spending every other weekend booking into classes for cookery, pottery, painting, flower arranging, axe throwing, crochet, group tarot readings… I shan’t go on.
It’s not that these things aren’t fun or nice to do - it’s just that they’re sneakily attaching an ever-increasing price tag to hanging out with your friends. And since we’re all heading towards broke-ness because of the high cost of living, it means that leisure becomes another large expenditure. Also, why can’t we seem to socialise anymore without there needing to be a solid ‘reason’ or activity taking place at the same time?!
Why do I have to intermittently ask people about work or their holiday while simultaneously playing laser tag to connect with them? Or why does a planned yapping sesh often give way into to suggestions for a ‘crafternoon’ instead?
If everything social interaction becomes an ‘event’, it costs us more in terms of our energy too. There’s nothing wrong with that necessarily but if it’s the only type of socialising you do, it can be exhausting . If there’s one thing we understand better about people these days, it’s that we all have different tolerances for intensity and volume of socialising. I like socialising, I just can’t always be bothered with the other stuff.
(*I did not look into their credentials because I was doom-scrolling on my work lunch break, but let’s assume they might be an authentic professional and not, as most people on the internet are, a quack. At the very least, they had a point…)
Hobbies include: ‘rotting’
By contrast, this ‘socialising is an event’ phenomenon HAS to be a contributing factor to what
refers to as ‘the mainstreaming of loserdom’; the rising appeal of purposefully staying home, isolating yourself and rotting away in bed instead of going out. This feels like a profound backlash against the commercialisation of leisure as we protest that all we want to do is languish in an Oodie, stare at our phones, and not utter a word to our loved ones (ironically, this is what I’m doing right now).No one is saying you have to go out partying if you don’t want to but if you aren’t getting any outlet to form meaningful in-person connections, perhaps you’re missing out on something crucial…
People aren’t meeting in person. There’s a singles wall in New York City, famously one of the easiest cities to be single in. People are taking up running to meet one another. We’re in a loneliness crisis. People simply aren’t connecting the way they used to, and I won’t be the bad guy for pointing out that it doesn’t surprise me that people are desperately lonely while also saying their favorite hobby is… staying home.
This great piece, shared in August last year (right before we entered peak ‘hibernation season’,) goes on to speculate that perhaps it’s a societal failing that we’d rather sit home than dance in a club or endure small talk, lest it give us even a mere moment of potential discomfort. It also highlights that during our downtime we really ARE doing nothing - we’re not reading, or creating, or learning, or picking up new hobbies.
Redefining what it means to be productive
The other important point to make here is that all of those things I just mentioned don’t always have to be productive.
Socialising isn’t the only thing being hijacked by capitalism. There are countless articles about how even hobbies have become heavily monetised, gamified, or competitive, somewhat sucking the joy out of things people once spent time on. Why bother learning to draw if you can’t sell your art on Etsy? Why paint your WarHammer miniatures if you’re not going to make a TikTok about it? Why write if no one will read? Why read if it’s not a book that’s being made into a movie?
It’s not about being productive in the sense that you’ll make some sort of gain from these things. It’s that you do something which brings you joy and helps you relax.
In the same vein, doing nothing also doesn’t mean you have to go no-contact with your entire social circle. You can do nothing with the people you like too.
So that’s what I’ve been doing since my last newsletter. And maybe even beyond January.
Other things I’ve been doing…
Going on a full blown horror movie marathon during my time off work over the holidays. Speak No Evil, The Substance, I Watched The TV Glow, and It’s What’s Inside all hit my watchlist and it’s safe to say that I now require a considerable amount of eye bleach.
Revisiting my teenage playlists for a nostalgic throwback. Think Glassjaw, Rival Schools, Deftones, early-MCR… The urge to wear baggy jeans and a studded belt is so real.
Saw Nosferatu. The ‘horny Nosferatu threads’ are kinda blowing my mind slightly. Some people really do need to get out…
Baking. With mixed success rates. Send me your best soft gingerbread cookie recipe.
Spending hours with various friends, discussing various topics in frightening depth. Top 10 romance movies, why it’s sad that subcultures no longer exist, hideous dating stories, and tales of smuggling dead bodies into Calais.
Obsessively visiting the same sandwich place with Bish 3 weeks in a row. Sorcerer Coffee in NCL. If anyone’s interested.
Love this. I think that’s partly why so many people enjoy the almost nostalgic fantasy element of sitcoms like friends, etc. where characters spend so much unstructured time around friends. Sent from my bed at 12pm on a Sunday 🙃
Loved this article. Read while happily rotting in my bed on a Friday afternoon.😁